Traci Presents...

I will attempt to do all these.

2011-02-07T12:21:00.001-05:00

1. Photograph your definition of “Sunday Afternoon”
2. Photograph a person standing in a doorway
3. Photograph two subjects that don’t go together like a basketball team standing in a swimming pool wearing their basketball uniforms
4. Randomly pick a window in your house and make photographs from and through that window everyday for a week
5. Photograph shadows
6. Photograph a stranger
7. Photograph something that reminds you of a vivid dream you once had
8. Photograph colors as if they were the emotion they represent
9. Photograph an extreme close up of a tattoo
10. Photograph from a balcony
11. Photograph the concept of waiting
12. Photograph hair as if it were landscape
13. Photograph mother’s cooking
14. Photograph “cold”
15. Photograph the juxtaposition of young and old
16. Photograph silence
17. Photograph a dinner party
18. Photograph a musician
19. Photograph a striking landscape at night
20. Photograph a self portrait

Peeps

2010-04-26T00:19:00.006-04:00

Kitchener pals, and one of me. I miss those dudes so much. I wish I could bring them every where with me. But my pockets aren't big enough.

Nature and Junk

2010-04-25T21:11:00.006-04:00

I discovered this sign while trying to get lost in a suburban forest. I have half expecting a pirate to jump out and make me pay a troll toll. To get into this boy's hole.

Swing Dance and Jazz Flute

2010-04-25T20:53:00.005-04:00

I took pictures for the amazing Renee during a recent gig at Ottawa U. Seriously, she is so fantastic.

older and lonelier

2010-02-16T12:39:00.006-05:00

I think I have a sixth sense for heartbreak. And I just wanted to stab my face off for saying that.

I think about the future before I even know my own future. And I wish I didn't.

I think about my own demise far too often. And some times life seems better.

I wish I could just get it together. On my list of things that would make me happy, I have failed to achieve much, if anything. I really want to focus on the happy things, but there are always minor interruptions.

When I think I'm starting to get some answers, they're gone, leaving the same amount of questions I have before.

I'm not getting any younger, but I am getting lonelier.

A shitty year, in a shitty review.

2010-01-03T14:16:00.002-05:00

The year started off with a sweet job, a cute boy, and an apartment hunt. I lost my job, the cute boy had other things on his mind, and the apartment hunt turned into a move back to Ottawa.

So I packed my shit, moved to Ottawa and lived off of awful spicy noodle cups my sister gave me. I spent months applying for jobs online. Nothing. Not even a shitty factory job. Finally, after starving for a couple months, I got a job at a deli and made enough money to buy $30 worth of food, and start paying my bills. After a couple months of freaking out about the little amount of money I was making, and wanting to move again, I got another job, enough to pay off my debts.

Debts were paid, finally a full time job was obtained, and hey, now I live in my own apartment. Now only if a cute boy would pay attention to me...ha.

PEI or Bust?

2009-09-02T02:11:00.002-04:00

I can't stop thinking about it. I know I won't fit in. I'm filled with too much Ontario, and East Coasters look down on Ontarioin's. With good reason, sorry to say. I need the ocean, I need the fresh air, I need to be alone. I thought Ottawa was the answer, but I've been gone for too long. Everyone has their own life, and I'm trying desperately to have my own, while living off the coat tails of others. I'm 25, not much longer are people going to give me breaks. Not much longer will I be able to say I have a good life, sitting around on the computer, working a couple minimum wage jobs. Everything I want hasn't worked out at all. Maybe it's from lack of hard work. But I also believe in fate, and something is telling me I'm not in the right spot. I want to go home.

Summer Self

2009-07-31T00:29:00.005-04:00

Just some self shots, one featuring my favorite person. I hope there will be more photos. The rain has taken over my life as of now.

Everyone can see who you are.

2009-07-19T16:06:00.003-04:00

Hip Hop vs Metal

2009-05-17T20:00:00.012-04:00

I went to two shows this week. Jesse Dangerously & Nomadic Massive and Napalm Death. Two very different types of music, two very different groups of people.

Though I greatly enjoy Jesse Dangerously and hip hop in general, metal will always be my flesh and blood, so to speak.

(unedited, mostly because I'm lazy.)

Camera Phone Photography

2009-05-10T21:24:00.004-04:00

Looking fierce with a camera phone. It really doesn't matter what kind of camera you use, all you need is sweet light and creativity. I wouldn't mind looking like this every day.

Flashbacks

2009-05-08T15:04:00.002-04:00

Even though it's been less than a week since I got laid off... again... I'm panicking. I'm having serious flashbacks to summer '05. My lonely summer in Belleville.

This blog entry is almost exactly 4 years old. And it does a pretty good job summing up how I currently feel. I was hoping I'd be at a different point in my life by the age of 25. But as you can see, not much has changed.

Lime Tostitos are still fucking boss.

May 12

I don't know what to do.

This has been a rough week. Nothing new, no job, and no interviews.

I'm starting to lose it. I don't think I even phisically say one word during the day. Unless someone calls me.... haha. I make a plan to do something during the day... but I wake up...and I just don't feel like doing anything. It's so nice out, but I'm just sick of going to the mall. Plus I'm to tempted to buy things, and I can't. I really want to go to Ottawa. Even if it was just for a day. But I don't have $60. And heck, someone might call me and give me a job.

Sometimes I forget what day it is. Or what time it is. I have supper at midnight, because I don't go to bed till 4 am. I just can't sleep. And what's the point? I stayed up till 8am one day. And had about 4 hours of sleep in 24 hours. And I still wasn't even tired. I think to much, and I can't sleep. I just want to listen to music all day. I don't want to leave the house, cause I need to hear music. If the power went out I would be fucked. Well if all my batteries were dead anyway.

I think I'm going to go get some Lime Tostitos...they are most excellent, and I have half an avacado, so I think I'll make some dip... mm, I'm drooling. haha. And make a salad... with tuna. This is my summer to change myself. I'm not around people that would influence me to eat bad things. And I don't buy anything bad. So here goes I guess. I don't have a scale, which is good. Because I REALLY don't want to know. So I'll let you know if my pants really start to fall off. More then they do now I mean.

I guess that's it over here. Going to the store. What?! I'm leaving the house?! I know, I'm scared to.

Snapshots-R-Us

2009-05-04T00:35:00.012-04:00

A weekend of random snap shots. Nothing that I would claim as amazing photography. (Not that I think anything I take is overly amazing.) No I don't want the weekend to END! Sigh, it's already Monday. I hate being an adult.

Hey look, a random angry cat!

Black people live in Ottawa!

Wearing my Summer of Awesome gear, in the hospital with Lara. I took my lens off the camera and shot through it to get this unfocused mess. I dunno, kinda cool?

Chris and Jude

Salty, we're pretty sure you're retarded.

The front of our place. Flowers, sticks, plants, grass, awesome.

Check out the 'stache and cheek zit! FTW

I don't really have much to say I guess. Work is work, van is in my dreams. I over think everything. And I had an annoying bout of loneliness today. It didn't feel great, but it comes and goes, and I move on. I went by Dad's old place today, and went to the hospital he died in. It wasn't as weird as I thought. Sometimes I think I started to get over it and move on. But secretly I don't ever want to get over it. Sorry, I'm done.

Reality Check

2009-04-25T00:51:00.002-04:00

Why does it always take another heartbreak for me to remember what I want in life? This marks the third reality check in two years, and I'm no where closer to my real dream than I was when the first, and most major, heartbreak occurred. I hope I can get my shit together for real this time, and just run away from everything. Am I a coward? Fuck yes. What am I running away from? Every one.

The summer I decided my dream, my once perfect, to me, family was making the long drive back from our yearly vacation in new Brunswick. We were laughing, and remembering our week. I had a thing for making my Dad laugh so much that he couldn't see, and almost had to pull the car over. I can't remember how I came to my realization of what I wanted in life, but it hit me like a wall a bricks, and I haven't looked back since.

This blog marks the beginning of everything I've dreamed about for over 3 years.

Watch out for my up coming photo story that I hope to start this weekend.

Self Portriats

2009-04-20T23:06:00.005-04:00

These are all I have at the moment. I've been lazy with the photographs. Some times I just need a break, but I usually take it when I know I should be shooting something. I drove by the Sri Lankin demonstration on The Hill at least 6 times last week. And didn't even go to shoot it. And I had shots all planned out in my head. I am so lazy. Ok so I'll warn you now... there might be some hint of boobs.

I enjoy the light in this photo . Yeah I know... OMGBOOBS. Not that you can really see anything. So chill. Also, Tyra would be so upset with my lack of different looks. My face looks the same in all these. I just noticed when they were all together. haha.

jeffy!

2009-03-27T19:04:00.005-04:00

Jeffy and I went dancing last night. We had the whole dance floor to ourselves about 98% of the time. And as such, my legs are KILLING me. It was probably the best trip to Abstract since the first summer I moved here. It was a good way to end my Abstract life. I'm trying to leave KW on a good note, and making everything that was shitty before, better. So far, 1 for 2. Hopefully 2 for 2. That will probably be another blog.

I'm a dick.

2009-03-20T00:52:00.002-04:00

Everyone is pulling on my heart strings. It will be so much easier when people start forgetting about me.

I miss Rice, I miss that boy, I miss my job (ha!). I hate being in limbo.

Granted, I haven't even been in Ottawa for a full week, and have yet to see my friends. But I still feel like I'm leaving a lot behind that I'm not ready to let go of yet.

Oh well, like they say on the internets... FML.

Orange Cat!

2009-03-19T13:23:00.002-04:00

This is OC, Jude and Chris's cat. And I guess my association, my cat as well. He likes to sit at the window and meow his face off until you open it to let him in. He's spying on me getting dressed. Aw, he's so cute.

Seeley's Bay

2009-03-15T18:33:00.011-04:00

I came to Seeley's Bay on Saturday, the one last stop before I make it to Ottawa. Since the sun was shining , I headed down to the docks. It was actually kinda nice to hang out by the water.
We went to the sugar shack. I already did a photo story here way back in my college days. So nothing seemed new or interesting to me. Everything was the same, and I was uninterested.

Zebra mussels are taking over Lake Ontario.

Janis and Bryden Part 2

2009-03-09T12:01:00.007-04:00

Janis and Bryden

2009-02-21T01:33:00.006-05:00

The first of my best friends to get married, not only that, but it was also my first wedding. This is just a quick sample of some of the photo's I finished editing. I just wanted to post them to see what people think. I've kinda been keeping them secret. I think mainly due to my horrible insecurity about my work. I've been editing like mad, and hope to have a everything done by the end of my week off. I'll post more of my favorites when I get them done.

Alysha

2008-12-26T15:04:00.007-05:00

This is my first blog post since May. Yes I'm aware of that. Yes I know I suck. But I'm a very busy girl. And here are some pictures to prove it. Alysha likes photo shoots just as much as I do.

Zombie Time

2008-05-16T22:05:00.008-04:00

My crazy friend and adopted sister LOVES zombies. And makes her kids dress up as them, drags them to a graveyard and makes them pose. Kids make scary ass zombies, that's for sure.

Self Portriats, for now.

2008-04-27T22:51:00.004-04:00

I miss photo editing. So to calm my craving until I get photoshop for my Mac I will be editing on a laptop from 1998. I haven't shot much. Mostly because winter just fucking ended. But I'm working on it ho's. I have a few photo ideas in my mind. I just need to set it up with some models.

My bestfriend!

2007-09-04T00:29:00.000-04:00

I love that last one for some reason. I'm drawn to it. Compared to all the others, they seem so posey, and almost like she's trying to be virginal. Haha.

Well whatever. I don't know. I can't make up my mind. They all seem to have some good points. Someone that isn't Alex give me a hand? She just bases her choice on how fat she looks. Which doesn't help me at all. Haha.

Outside a Warehouse

2007-08-19T17:14:00.000-04:00

Alex and I shop a lot. And when we do, we play dress up. And when that happens... PHOTO SHOOT TIME! We drive around the city, find awesome places with sweet light, for night shooting. This is just a little spot i found, which I plan on using much more. It's a pretty awesome little place.

I plan in taking more models here.

Shakedown Party - Bobnoxious

2007-08-16T20:02:00.001-04:00

One of the bands that played the Shakedown Weekend Party. They were the best ones of the whole weekend, and there was at least 7 bands.

That creepy 80's guy was hamming it up for the camera. While the very intimidating singer scared the crap out of me, and I was scared he was going to kick my camera!

Good times guys, good times.

Don't tell me cause it hurts.

2007-06-23T21:25:00.000-04:00

I love you. I can't put into words how much I'll miss you. I missed you before you even left me.

I'll try to choke back a beer just for you.

And I know the next fish I catch, you'll be there with me.

Robert Ward

Decemeber, 14th 1961 - June, 23nd 2007

(I know this won't count for much.)

I've got Sunshine in a bag

2007-06-18T12:15:00.000-04:00

Went for a really random car ride yesturday. I don't normally like nature pictures, but they're clearly the only ones that get people talking. haha.... which kinda sucks, because I hate nature pictures! You know, "Wow, what a great picture of a flower... ooooooh!". I'd rather be hearing, "Ooooh that's a great picture of that guy getting his arm shot off, in some war-torn country!"

Anyway, here's some flowers and junk. I'm changing the way I shoot... I'd say out of almost 100 pics, I looked through my camera.... 5 times? It's called, lazy photographen. Well it worked this time!

Also, I was going to turn some of these B/W, but nature doesn't really look good in black and white.

Wrestling (part one)

2007-06-04T19:45:00.000-04:00

Pictures from Friday night's crazy wrestling outting. We probably won't be getting paid, or have a job out of this. But at least Alex made out with a Pro-Wrestler, and can cross that off her list.

Just call me Green Thumb.

2007-05-28T18:16:00.001-04:00

I planted some flowers today. Made me feel pretty good. And made our place feel more like a home. (awww)

Now all I need is my DAMN BBQ!!! Oh I will get one. Very soon. I want to have BBQ's all summer long.... Mmmmm hotdogs. With BBQ sauce. I'm way too full right now to even be talking about this.

And now for a cute Asian girl that was playing with the cutest little black kitty that hangs around. I'm very close to stealing it... but I don't want cat piss every where. So I'll just watch him play from afar.

I'm more flakey than a lepper colony!

2007-05-25T16:23:00.000-04:00

I got a wicked sunburn a week ago. I'm in the sun way too much. I miss my sad sorry pale skin.

And now... the peeling has begun. It's so gross.... there are skin flakes all over the floor... it just keeps coming off.

One day I'm going to lose the war

2007-05-18T23:20:00.000-04:00

I'm happy, can you tell yet?

I've been getting a little lazy, waiting for you to come save me.

2007-03-22T00:52:00.000-04:00

I'm just a massive social failure.

"you are truely a child that needs guidance. If you feel you need a man to justify your beauty, then you have a ploblem. From the photos I have seen of you you are beautiful in yourself. The issues you have with your mom, weel she is your ony mom and she loves you anyway. Don't make your issues her issues, I have ben there. Love her anyway you can."

So I haven't blogged for a bit. Been busy, tired, and mostly lazy. I log in, and notice this... comment. I don't know who's stalking my blog NOW, but don't call me a child when you're the one commenting on my life annoymously. Scared I'll find out who you are? I mean really, you read my blog, and think you know the whole story with my mother. She has made about as much effort as an uncaring person would. Like an ex-boyfriend that just wants his old shirts back or to fuck you one last time. A few emails here and there claiming love, but no real progress.

I'm sick of holding onto things or people just because it's safe, or been there for so long. I don't want to keep people around me that bring me down, hold me back, make me feel like shit. My mother does that to me. She's the one acting like a child. She didn't raise me. She left me a million times. She moved just as much as we did, and always in opposite directions. When I got my first period when I was 11, I called her, and you know what she said when I was crying on the phone? "What's wrong? You can't come visit me??!" No mom, my VAGINA IS FUCKING BLEEDING FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT'S FREAKY!

You have only read 2 of the emails she's sent me. She talks shit about my dad, and praises her and Dan for helping me out (for once) during my first year in Belleville. Despite what it may seem like, I don't care about money she gave me, or the groceries she bought me. I was happy that she was actaully trying to be in my life. Second year came, my sister moved in with her, and she proceeded to ignore me, or phone me randomly and YELL at me because Auntie Lin overheard me talking to my sister about how I didn't want to work at a newspaper. And that means I'm not using what I learned in school for anything. Yeah, ok.

No see, her issues are MY issues. Not the other way around. She didn't go to college, she got pregnant when she was still in high school. So she couldn't do anything for herself. She's trying to live through me and my sister. I guess for some people that's a good thing. Not for me thanks. I want to do my own thing without someone telling me what I should be doing just so they can look good. And she needs to LOVE ME anyway she can.

Oh and needing a man to justify my beauty? My mom did that, and so did my sister. I wonder where I learned it from.

Now I completely forgot what I was really going to write about. Moving soon, one week left at Chopper. Nervous, excited, please let something good happen.

end-fucking-blog-post

Push. (Just a little too late)

2007-03-04T21:50:00.000-05:00

I just worked a 12 hour shift. Straight customer service. I'm so dead.

"Can I get 200 grams of Spiced Turkey?"

"Sliced?"

"No, the SPICED!"

"SLICED??!!"

Holy hell. People are a little slow. That happened a few times today.

Oh and welfare, ghetto whore, fuck you. You wanted a job? Well you sure fucked that one up! You've probably never held a job longer than a month. Because you got pregnant when you were 16, and had all 3 of you loser children before you were 20. Therefore never really creating any work ethics, during the age when you develop them. Dirty. I really hate teenage mothers. Espically ones that are now old, and should be trying to make a better life for thier kids, and not encouaging them to fight people, and be lazy ass slackers living off welfare for the rest of thier lives. Go find a new man to give you money. Loser.

Lift your head up high and blow your brains out.

2007-03-01T19:23:00.000-05:00

I had sex with a rando* the other night. Classy. At least he said I was beautiful. More than my mother has said to me.

Depressing much?

Dad is going for surgery this month. I have no idea when, he won't tell my sister because he doens't want her to party. I'm sure the first thing she thought of was... "PARTYYYY!". I'm calling later tonight to see what's going on. Still sucks though, because we're moving in a month, and he's suppose to be in the hospital for 2 weeks. And he's suppose to be helping me.

Ugh, I'm getting really annoying with everything right now. I just either want to fucking move already, or not at all. All I do is go to work. I'm not going to be able to go to Gala, which fucking sucks so much ass.

Oh what else am I pissed off at? Oh, my computer is fucked, and I can't afford to get it fixed right now. My life is on there, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've had a serious chest cold for almost a week. You know why? Because I have to walk home in the freezing cold almost every night. (I seem to be getting much better though) And it's not like I could take a sick day, we don't have enough people working, and I need le moneys.

*I was bored Tuesday night, and this dude that's been talking to me on MSN wanted to take me out for a coffee. So we met up across the street. And he took me to the drive-thru only Tim Hortons. Funniest in life. Then we parked in the mall parking lot where he proceded to touch my leg. You know, "oops sorry I just have to reach this over by your leg". Then he went in for the kill, and we made out in the parking lot. Silly me, I had mentioned that my roommates were away for reading week. Then we went back to my place, and "watched a movie". I'll just stop it there. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

(doesn't really look like they're having fun)

Things I need to do before I leave this Hellhole:

2007-02-24T20:12:00.000-05:00

1) Go to The Go-Go, maybe twice?? I REALLY want to see what Belleville strippers look like. Haha.

2) Go to the City Hotel. I know what you're all thinking, but I need to know what crack heads look like! And Colin never showed his damn pictures.

3) Buy as much random shit as I can from St. Vincent. There's one in Ottawa down the road from my Dad's, but it's BOOORING. Belleville's is dark and spooky, and full of random Jesus things!! (which I love)

*And that's all I can remember right now. I'm freaking sick, and lost my voice. And trying REALLY hard not to have to take Buckley's... but I'm running out of options. I'll add to this list when I remember more.*

Take a look at my girlfriend. Shes the only one I've got

2007-02-07T14:30:00.000-05:00

It's been soo cold the last couple weeks. I'm suprised I've survived this long. Last year wasn't nearly as bad. Making Staff Class horrible. Camera gear freezes, my glasses fog up, and I'm not really in the mood to walk around down town Belleville for 3 hours. Speaking of staff class, I've already used all the possible sick days I can if I want to pass this year. And I also realized that we had it great last year. We didn't have as many assigments to do for Staff, because of the strike. And I still managed to fail. Which sucks... because now I have almost double the work. And about the same amount of talent a last year. And I also need $1330 to pay for all my classes.

Alex and I still haven't found a place. But we decied to go with CHEAP, at least for a year. Then maybe go backpacking for a few months. I dunno.

I've been thinking about my intern. I found someone that would be really cool to work with. But I don't know if she takes interns or anything. I have to write her a letter. Just not sure what I should say. I worked on uploading more pictures to my Flickr so I could send that to her. She's doing exactly what Alex and I will be doing. And her stuff is awesome, and she'd be a great mentor.

I'm also obsessed with Kijiji.com. Obessed with the free/cheap funiture and obsessed at looking at the apartments. And I'm also obsessed with the new Gwen cd. Thanks to Erica of course.

I bought rediculous glasses from VV on Monday. So awesome, and almost my perscription. I'm a little obsessed with them right now. Appernetly I'm obsessed with a lot of things right now....

"If I could escape..."

Moved.

2007-02-02T14:03:00.000-05:00

I moved my blog. I haven't decided if I'm totally deleting this one or not. Either way... you want the link... let me know. Maybe I'll give it to you.

Thanks for reading.

Traci

**Edit: I have just changed the url for my blog. I'm sure no one is reading this... because you don't know that I've changed it.

I must be emo

2007-01-31T22:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Mom,

Ah crap. I know I should be really excited about getting out of this stupid town... but it's been my home for almost 3 years. It's a toss up. I'm moving for something good. Maybe it's the little voice in the back of my head saying I'm bound to fail at everything anyway. So I should just stay here.

And I hate packing. I'm so sick of moving my life around. But I know I'm far from done. Which is probably another reason I'm not excited about it. I'll probably end up moving 3 more times after that. And probably all different towns\cities\provinces\countires. I know I'm young, but fuck, I've been hauled around this whole province since I was 4. What normal non-army brat moves 8 times before they're 22? Not to mention moving twice while in ottawa, and twice while in Belleville.

I'm excited, but stressed, and feel a little rushed. Hopefully the place Alex is looking at tomorrow will still be avaliable for April. It looks pretty nice. There's a nice yard, and it's 3 bedrooms.

Things will work themselves out... right?

Miss you guys <3

Staff Class

2007-01-30T23:15:00.000-05:00

Dear Mom,

This is what I did today in class. Just thought I'd let you know. And show off some of the stuff I've shot... and our dog. Well not so much my dog. But I do give her belly a rub once in a while.

I will also try to address every blog I write to my mom. Because I'm just crazy like that.

OH, and I'm moving to Kitchener. With best buddie Alex. <3

No internet and no roommates make traci go.. something something.

2007-01-04T12:16:00.000-05:00

CRAZY?!

Hey brothers. Just a quick note to say that we haven't had the net for like... a month. SO that's where I've been. And of course working my fat ass off. Awesome.

Got another rude email from mother. I guess she reads my blog. And still doesn't get me. But we'll talk about that all in due time. OR never again. Even though I totally called her, she still gave me a snotty tude. At least I CALLED!

Anywhoooo. Christmas was good. Been working a lot. Now I'm off to spend some of that money. Ohh yeahhh.

p.s. I'm at the school right now... working on getting an education. well... getting back in to finish one. Heh.

Love you's

Feel sorry for yourself.

2006-12-02T23:40:00.000-05:00

OMG She Has A Fucking Bull-Ring!

Hi, I'm Traci and I have four (4) tattoos, and one (1) little facial peircing. GO FUCK YOURSELF!

I know my roommates are so sick of hearing this, because I seem to rant about it all the time. It's not bad enough that I'm fat, and have a beard, and have people judge me for that, but to have people fucking talk shit about me BEHIND my back about one arm tattoo that you can actually see, and a small septum peircing.

Mind your own fucking buisness. What I chose to do with my body does not affect the work I do, how I act to people, old, young, bitchy, fat, ugly, beautiful, up-tight or whatever. I give everyone a chance. I'm not a mean person. So if you think you're better than me, because of what I choose to do with my body, please let me know in advance, so I can prove I'm better than you because I choose not to follow you think people should be doing.

If for some reason my nose ring gets in the way of some ham slicing, and shirt folding, it will be promply removed. Until then, don't fucking look at me like I'm going to eat your crying baby.

-68-

Never have kids.

2006-11-27T14:05:00.000-05:00

This is what I have to deal with. My mother emailing me. All I wanted her to do was tell me that she loved me, and that she was sorry.

I call Kis because she calls me. I haven't called you because I always call you and you say you don't call casue there is no news. You can't know whats going on unless you call. I have been proud of you but everytime I try to give you advice you don't listen or you ignore it. I am glad you have something going, but how am I supposed to know. It can't always be up to me. Kris came here because I knew her schedule and she called me. You are free to come but I never talk to you. You have to call me too. Check the phone bill, when was the last time you called?? I know I am the mother, but it would be nice if you took the inititative too. thans for making me feel bad about you going east to Aunti Lin's funeral. I would have thought you would have wanted to go, sorry if that was not the case. I thanked you for going, but I was in shock over it all too. Not everything is about me Traci. I have been guilt ridden for 15 years about you guys, all of you, but it is time to move on and alllow me to not be guilty about this anymore. The only reason your Dad never moved on was because he was in a rut and no one wants to be with someone who is that way, other than that he would have found some one else, you can' blame me anymore. I have had a lot of issues in my life that I deal with everyday, and one of those is you guys. I had to leave your Dad, as many parents do, but I felt I left you with the better parent, give me credit for that!! God, what can I say or do, everything the last 15 years has been for your betterment. I travelled hours just to spend the weekend with you. You don't know anything about me and what my life has been like, not meaning with Dan or your Dad. Sorry you don't like Dan, but if your Dad found someone else, chances are you wouldn't like them either. Sorry, but I have to be allowed to think I have a relationship with my kids, as adults and responsible people and not have to constantly think about the past. Shit happens, Traci, and I have tried to make you know I love you, but I don't know how, obviously.

----- Original Message -----
From: Traci Ward
To: dan.hamel009@sympatico.ca
Sent: Monday, November 27, 2006 1:16 PM
Subject: RE:
Why am I the only one that has to do the calling? You seem to be able to call Kristeen easy enough. Every time I call them, I always ask if you have talked to them... you always have. Why is it so hard for you to call me. I really don't know what the big deal is. My roommates are really nice, and if I'm not home they'll take a message.

You didn't even invite me over for Thanksgiving, or ask what I was doing. I know Dan hates me, and I really don't care. I just want my mom back. AS soon as Kristeen moved in, you stopped calling, and stopped visiting me.

You've abandoned me so much in my life, I just can't take it. It probably seems like nothing to you, and you probably don't see it, but it still hurts me. Everything you've done in your life has affected ME! Leaving us, marrying Dan, trying to KILL YOURSELF!!! How am I suppose to deal with that.Every time I think things are starting to get better, something happens and you're right back to how you use to be.

Dad loves me, and has never left me behind. He wants me to be happy, not rich. He had to take care of 2 kids, and he never got married again. He did a pretty damn good job. And he's doing great right now. And I'm very happy for him.

You aren't supportive of me, you just keep telling me what I should be doing. I know what my calling is mom. I take pictures, that's what I do. I want to travel, open a studio, freelance, work for magazines. I know what I want to do. I plan on taking driving school next year through the school. And getting a car. I also want to move to TO so I can make a name for myself. People make livings from freelance work. I've also been doing photo shoots for some people. Yes for money. Not very much money, but I'm getting paid for it. I'm also doing engagment pictures and wedding pictures for a friend. You can't tell me I'm not doing anything with what I did in college. I learned so much, and I've never been more excited about doing something.

I really don't know what's going on with you. I don't know why you think Kristeen is better than me. I love her, but she does drugs mom. She has a BF that's MY AGE, and sells drugs MOM. SHE WORKS IN A DELI MOM!! How is that better than me? Just because she's your exact copy doesn't mean you can ignore me. You never visit,and I live an hour away. YOu never ask me to come over for a weekend, but ask Kristeen too.

I don't want your money. The last time I asked you for money was almost exactly a year ago. And you didn't even respond back. I never ask you for money... why? Because I know that's what you think I want from you. I don't even ask dad for money. Seriously, when was the last time I called for money? Really think about that.

I didn't invite you for Christmas because you have a husband. I figured you'd want to spend it with him. And when I invited them, you were planning on going east. And I figured you still would be to spend time with Rick.

I'm sorry Auntie Lynn died. Dad drove us all the way to NB just so you wouldn't hate me. I only went for you. Dad told me I have to go, because you would probably never talk to me again. And nothing seemed to change. I thought that you'd love me again, but you didn't even call to thank me for going. I didn't know when you were going to be home. I was hoping that things would be better, and you wouldn't have a problem with calling me.

And no mom, I don't think I'd thank you for being pushy. The only time you talk to me is when you want to tell me to do something. I just want a mom, to tell me how nice I look, to tell me that I take nice pictures, to visit me, and be happy for me no matter what. To be proud of me. You're never proud of me.

We aren't the same person. But I would like it if you accepted me for who I am, who I will always be, who I've always been.
Traci

From: "Dan Hamel" To: "Traci Ward" Date: Mon, 27 Nov 2006 12:14:58 -0500

Hi Kid:
It is pretty pissy that I haven't heard from you. Hello..... I am here and if you don't want to call you can at least send me a message. I would have liked to have had my kids these last few weeks. Losing my sister was a big deal!!!! At least you could have found out how I was doing. I miss her very much and I am sad that you don't even have the time to drop me a line. Traci, I am your mother and a supporter of you and want to help you with lifes challenges, but it seems you only call me for money related situations. You have invited your Dad and Kris for Xmas, but have not even considered me. Thanks for that. There is obviously something lacking from me, other than money, that you don't even ask me to participate. I have spend Xmas with all you guys before. I am upset by your actions. I want you to get a real life outside of school and make a living for yourself, is that too much to ask. What are your future plans? Iwant to see you excel in life, as I know you can, but for some reaason you are stuck in a situation. I think that you should become a tattoo artist, that is your calling. Don't call if you don't want to, you can deal with your Dad's I don't give a fuck attitude, look where that has got him. Maybe someday you will thank me for being more pushy.

I love you baby
mummy

I have a blog?

2006-11-19T20:13:00.000-05:00

I don't really want to write anything right now. I'm a little tired of writting for now. But never tired of pictures. So here's some from the past month: Trip to NB, Santa Parade, Art night.

I'm probably the uglyest person I know.

2006-11-12T17:13:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever examined their face? Like really look at it? Every inch?

I do way too often. And for everyone that read my blog, you're going to probably be grossed out.

-Bad teeth
-double HAIRY chin
-mullet-like hair
-warts on my hands
-moustache
-blotchy zit filled skin
- and a crooked nose ring apprently

I'm so glad that I'm so confident in myself that I'll post these ridiculous pictures of me online. This is what I look like when I don't try and look hot. (Which is 90% of the time.)

Wedding? Ewwwww

2006-11-09T21:05:00.000-05:00

Six Chicks memeber Janis Sops is offically the first to have a boyfriend long enough that they'd want to get married!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Six Chicks will offically be no more. We've kinda kept it together, but not really.

RIP SIX CHICKS

omg we're so young in this picture

I love you Sopsy!
VOTE JANIS!

Ready for the weekend?

2006-11-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

Zoo, Alex, Erica and I. Fun times. Getting searched my scary border cops? Unfun.

Pier Photoshoot. Also fun. New pictures to put on the "Cock Wall".

More details of my Halloween with a corpse, NB, and the weekend to come.

Be my... guest?

2006-10-28T01:30:00.000-04:00

*I found this song that Andreanne and I wrote while I worked at Loeb. It's soo funny. (She's french, so it kinda sounds weird)
Sing along to the tune of "Be my Guest" from Beauty and the Beast

Be my guest
Be my guest
Take the joint and smoke the rest
After all the years we're stuck in here
Just take it without no fear

Here go pascal andreanne and traci
we make good song you'll see
just stand here take a beer its the fun of the years

In summer we go camping that's the fun coz were chilling
thats mean smoking and drinking
And then andreanne is barfing

we got pot we got weed
we got everything you need
we got all what your heart desire
but dont throw the lighter in the fire

My Aunt is dying, and I'm fucked.

2006-10-24T23:23:00.000-04:00

Today was a rather annoying day:

I went to work for an annoyingly boring 3 hour shift, that wasn't even worth putting on a bra for. Well at least I didn't give them the satisfaction of showering.

The evil creditor called me, telling me I owe him $300. Sweet. Byebye pay cheque.

Erica and I finally had art night. We both painted wicked awesome pictures. (The least annoying part of the day.)

Annoying Highlight of the Night:

My mother called tonight. Which was odd. She was upset, so I'm like wtf. She told me Auntie Lynn only had 7 days to live. Ugh. Well obviously it sucks. She's been fighting cervical cancer for awhile, then it spread, of course, and they can't get the fluid out of her lungs. But seriously, she's been suffering for a long time now, and I'm sure she just wants it to end. If she's not winning, she's very slowly losing.

Now for insensitve Traci. My mother expects me to go. And if it was in Kingston, of course. Ottawa, totally. New Bruniswick??? There's NO WAY! I can't leave. I have NO money. This is the worse possible time. She yelled at me when I told her I'd try to get time off.

"You're GOING!"
"How am I getting there?"
"If Daddy's going get a ride with him. If not, you'll go with Dan."
"Oh.. ok. I'll try.... "

I have the play next week. Alex, my bestest best friend ever, is coming next week. I don't have any money. I need to pay rent. How does she expect me to pay bills etc. if I randomly take a week off to spend time with my mom's family. Ugh.

I'm being selfish. I guess... but seriously, I don't see myself being in NB in the near future. I hate funerals, and can't spend that much time with my mother.... It's just not happening. I have to call Dad.

My mother is going to disown me... more so.

-60-

Best photo-blog yet!

2006-10-22T00:56:00.000-04:00

Last minute photo-shoot with Star tonight. The lighting turned out pretty much how I wanted it too. I just wish I had a fast lens. Boo to 5.6!

Anyway. Pretty happy with them.

Ya, I'd say I'm pretty proud of these ones.

-59-

You know what happens when I'm bored.

2006-10-21T00:08:00.000-04:00

Let's see here:

Looked hot today. Decided to hit up the mall. Which is what I do when I'm bored, and have a bus pass. Nothing exciting happened. Found a new nose ring that's a little more work friendly. (Though no nose ring would be what they really want. They aren't gettin it)

Ho hum, someone's bum? I went to Chapters. I love it there.... mmm books. I think Starbucks has stopped with the pumpkin spice treats. So I had a carmal frappochino.(sp) Checked out the hot boys. Well... the one hot guy. Pretty sure he didn't notice me. Suprise?

It was so cold today too. I should have worn a scarf and toque!

Alex will be here in a few weeks. The play is in 2 weeks. I need money right now. I still haven't emailed Snell. Fuck shit. I need to get on that. Back to schoooool.

I relived my childhood tonight. I watched Ernest Scared Stupid. Which is 15 years old. Oh god, I need a cane. I'm so old. I remember watching that movie at my mom's house, and it scaring the shit out of me. And then James and the Giant Peach came on. Oh my youth, where have you gone?

I took a shift tomorrow. Mostly because I have nothing else to do. I don't want to work. I'd rather watch cartoons all day. But I need the $$$, and I know I'd be bored out of my mind after 2 hours.

I can't wait for Ottawa! I get to go shooting! I hope it's not raining. It's been raining here like a betch all week. I went in to work on Wed. and my eyes were hurting because it was so bright in there. I like in a dark dungeon. And I like it like that.

Our cock-wall is coming along nicely. I need to get some pics together of me and Alex. Hopefully before she gets here. Hopefully the cock-wall will be done before Christmas. Kris and Dad are suppose to be coming. Either that, or it's going to be a boring lonely holiday. Meh... I don't really care. Even though I do love Christmas.

I'm thursty.

-58-

Mmmmm Picture taking!

2006-10-16T23:51:00.000-04:00

This sheep seems to be saying... "baaaaa means NO!" to me. Haha... dirty. Some pictures from today. Oh how I've missed shooting! I had a pretty productive day shoot wise. Got some pictures of rehearsal, and these random sheep pictures are from Connor's house.

I plan on shooting more during rehearsal, it's just hard because I can't really get around, and still have to wait for my que. Next time I'll make sure my flash battery's are actually charged. That didn't help much. I think I was shooting on f5.6 @ 1/5, hence the blurs. However, I think they turned out pretty cool. The idea was the show the kids practicing thier lines, and running through the scenes.

-57-

Draw a pig

2006-10-13T14:31:00.001-04:00

http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=1251244&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test

New layouts all night long

2006-10-13T01:34:00.001-04:00

What the cock is this shit?

I've changed my layout for this blog... 4 times tonight? I miss my old old layout. Bored, oh so very bored! I was looking forward to a great last night with D***. But he has a mad eye infection. Sad face. I haven't been on a date in... FOREVER! What the hell is this?! When Jude and I were dating we didn't even go on dates. We were always with her friends, or mine.

What's the point in having all these sexy clothes, if I can't be sexy for someone! Damn it.

My baby came home today. Oh my camera. It's been freed from the evil holds of Jap Cam. [racist?] I was a happy girl when I finally got to hold it in my arms... I'm a proud momma. Haha... weird.

I have both of my feet shoved into one slipper. I can't find the other one.

I'll end it here, with this little line:
Jewish people driving German cars. Jewish people driving German cars. Jewy people buying German cars.... what the cock is that shit?

-55-

New layout?

2006-10-11T16:07:00.001-04:00

I dunno if I like it yet. I've been looking at it... I don't know what to do with it. It looks messy. Fuck I hate HTML. Gah.

[Camera and D*** TOMORROW!! <3] size="2">*Edit: Fuck you Chopper. Call me and make me start later, therefore making this horrid day longer... making tomorrow seem a million years away. And making the chances of me actually wanting to go to work decrease. I just want it to be Thursday!!! Two of my favorite things... all tomorrow!! Well, make that three!! [Money, Camera, and D***]

Traci Ward?

2006-10-11T15:29:00.000-04:00

You called?

The maid needs a maid

2006-10-02T13:09:00.000-04:00

Someone please note, that Monday October 2nd, I am excited, and actaully happy about something.

Tonight is my first night of rehersal. I'm playing a Zombie in a childrens Halloween play, directed by Connor, from work. I'm very excited. And also nervous. I don't have to say any lines, but I'm kinda stepping outside of my box. But at this point in my life, it's a VERY VERY good thing. Dragging my ass to a shitty job every other day isn't getting me excited. And I'm very excited about this. Hopefully I'll be able to do more work for the theatre group, maybe even write a play and get to direct it. Which I'm very excited about. Even if I can't, it's a good photo story, which I wouldn't mind working on eventually. [Can't right now, because my mom is a whore and didn't get my camera back, and Erica's working on a possible story for the newspaper.]

Also, I'm going to World Press on Thursday in T.O. which excites me even more!! I can't wait. This week is a very exciting week! And Erica was talking to Frank about me, and how I want to come back to school and finish what I started, and maybe sneak in to the driving course that they plan on having for Photo-J's. Well he seemed happy that I was at least thinking about coming back. Which is good... because he's my favorite teacher, and helped me a lot. I was scared to talk to him, because I'm so sure that I let him down. Even though I tired really hard. But he's letting me go on the World Press bus, and sounded happy about me wanting to come back. So that's good, and makes me feel so much better.

I want to be back in school. I really really want to finish. And really really want to take pictures for the rest of my life. [and hook up with that really hot guy that hung around the deli all weekend. HAHA. seriously though. he's so hot.]

-53-

Rebel, Rebel

2006-09-28T00:00:00.000-04:00

To all my fellow college kids enjoying the life of "free" money that is OSAP, I urge with you, DO NOT calculate how long it's going to take you to pay that shit off. For the love of all things holy, DO NOT!

Bored at work tonight, I decided to figure out how long it would take me to pay off OSAP, paying the $200 a month that they want me too. Almost 8 years to pay that off. $200 every single month for 7 years. Yeah that's a long time.

Knowing that I work a shit job, and surely no way in life am I ever going to be able to pay $200, I figured $50 seemed like a good amount. Holy fucking hell, I'm going to be paying OSAP back for 30 years!!! Ugh.

I'm depressed.

-52-

You'll have to wait in line.

2006-09-26T17:48:00.000-04:00

Quick hottness blog. Photos by the lovely Erica!

-look how hot i am!! that's all me!-

The girls want to be her

2006-09-13T18:45:00.000-04:00

I'm in love. And after many years of pretending to hate her, I'm admitting that she's incredibly beautiful, and talented. I mean, what's really to hate about her? Her movie roles are always excellent, and omgzzz!11!11!!!, have you seen her?!

I never really hated her. I just secretly wanted to do her.

*dreamy sigh*

-50-

It's a beautiful life... oh oh ooooh

2006-09-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

Pictures from my sisters coming to visit meeee!

I can't sleep

2006-09-06T01:06:00.000-04:00

.... I probably could if I actaully tired harder. I am kinda tired. I'm just thinking too much again. I feel retarded getting into detail. My whole blog is made up of me hating work, my life, and thinking too much about someone.

Just when everything starts coming up Milhouse... 700 more things make me feel like shit. It's almost like I don't deserve anything good. I'm back to where I was 3 years ago. Working in a deli, failed out of school, having feelings for someone who clearly will never feel the same. What the FUCK!

Seriously, fuck everyone.

You can't text message break-up

2006-09-04T22:40:00.000-04:00

My Sex God is baaack!

He makes me smile.

I'm totally crushing. Cause I'm a stupid girl.

Damn it.

-46-

Crikey!

2006-09-04T14:08:00.000-04:00

R.I.P Mr. Crocodile Hunter

If I don't believe in myself, would that be blasphamy?

2006-08-31T20:43:00.000-04:00

YAY! Diala, Lara, and Sara are finally coming to visit! They're coming next weekend. Of course when I won't have money. So we probably won't do anything. Not that there is anything to do. [You know what I'm talking about fellow Bellevegasers.] So that's next weekend.

This weekend Erica moves back. Yay again! I bought some booze.

My new found alcoholism isn't going to be cheap. But I have to pass at something! I failed everything else. Heh.

I'm NOT going back to school. At least not this semester.

I had this crazy idea about doing year 2 all over again. I still really want too. But I've been cut off from the OSAP train.

I failed too much. And they don't want to give me moneys.

Do you think after I start paying some back, they won't think of my grades any more?

I'm sticking around this joint for awhile. Figure out what the hell I'm going to do about school. Probably move back in with my dad. He asks me to every time we talk. And hopefully re-do 2nd year.

I do better in school when I don't have any friends. [No seriously... it's true. I still <3 you guys though]

Friends are the enemy. [Girlfriends too]

Maybe I'll save some money for my license. Then buy a van. And turn it into the Traci-mobile.

A perfect house on wheels. Complete with bed, shelves, and disco ball. It will be the ultimate in travelling fun.

I will go everywhere, and live out of a van. Like a hippie, or gypsie. And stay in campsites. For the whole summer. Excellent.

Eventually moving to Kitchener with Alex to open a studio.

I'm eating kinda-gross cheezies. They are far too salty for me. They're from Bulk Barn.

I bought a ton of cat food for $.81!! [Do keyboards have cents signs?!?!]

And juice. Lots of juuuuice!

School's starting back. I can tell. There are so many hot guys at the mall, and thier balls have actually DROPPED! [Unlike the kids at work... whom probably don't even HAVE a penis.]

I've found someone. He's married, but that hasn't stopped me before. HAHA! Shut up all of you.
ANYWAY, he does magic. hahaha...

Gob Bluth is now my new secret husband.

I really should have started watching Arrested Development earlier. I just never got into it. But goddamn, it was good.

-45-

I don't even exist

2006-08-28T13:33:00.000-04:00

Colour or Black and White?

I can't decide which one I like the best. Or which one looks the best. I really like the green, but would B/W make it more interesting? Is the crop too tight? Is the colour alright? It looks fine on my computer. Contrast in the B/W alright? I boosted it up high, but her face was glowing. I dunno... I always have problems editing, and turning things into B/W, it never seems to look right. Hence why I never edit.

Camera back soon some time this life time? I hope. Mandi and I were talking yesturday about her Marilyn Monroe style white dress, red pumps, muscles cars, and gold chains. It's nice to think about in my head, but I'd actaully like to be taking these pictures. New job, with more money, to get my camera out of the evil holds of Japan Camera? Yes PLEASE!

-44-

Overheard in NYC: Part 4

2006-08-24T13:34:00.000-04:00

As Long as She Pronounces That Second 'R,' Everything Should Be Fine

Mother to two children: "Okay, time to leave."

Little girl, trying to push her way through as her brother holds the door closed: "Daaaaviiiiid!"

Mother to black security guard: "I guess that's just a brother for you."

Security guard looks uncomfortable.

Mother, quickly: "I mean, that's just a brother's job, right?"

--Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave

-43-

We are the end

2006-08-23T16:53:00.000-04:00

ALEXISONFIRE REVIEW!

New CD Crisis, is very good indeed. Wade's voice is quite amazing. And Dallas is amazing, of course. You Burn First is my favorite song. Wade sings it, and it's soo good. Also their single, This Could Be Anywhere in the World. Very good.

I'm pretty much just writting about it so I can post these super funny pictures of AOF.

Steele looks like he's enjoying that. Haha... so funny.

Can I marry Dallas now please?

*Here's a real review on the album

http://ericabarton.blogspot.com/

[PS: I hate HTML]

-41-

She screamed at me: I want to be desired.

2006-08-23T14:21:00.000-04:00

New Brunswick Trip Photo BLOG!
I don't have all the pictures yet. But I'll post the funny ones.

I'll leave it here for now. There are more I need to get from my sister. Some including Nick on the ground, a big lobster by the ocean... at night, and dinosuars having sex.

Here's my whole family* in all their glory.

We went to a reunion of Ward's. And these are the only people that I was related too.

Ha.

[*Tyler is missing. He's rocking out in Calgary.]

-41-

PHD:Pretty Huge Dick

2006-08-22T16:40:00.000-04:00

Seth Rogen is sooo hot. And even hotter at the end of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Aww yeah. Yeah that's right. When they're all dancing around like faries. Mmmhmm!

Another useless post brought to you by me.

Now I'm off to buy the new Alexisonfire CD. And I'll come back and blog about that shit, yo.

-41-

Please say I can quit my day job!

2006-08-16T02:27:00.000-04:00

Photo Blog Alert!

Randomly went though the pictures on my computer. Editing ensued. Are any of them actaully worthy of looking at? I dunno... you tell me.

I take the weirdest pictures ever.

And this one of Alex for fun. Because I miss her... and she's STEALING my rice for my food pic!

Haha... she's eating my picture!

--Wraci Tard

-39-

Heaven knows I tried to let you go.

2006-08-14T13:20:00.000-04:00

Well, it's my 22nd birthday today, and I couldn't possibly feel more old! Dang.

I wish I was 14 again.

That's it, I'm moving to Kitchener.

I still have fleas. Fuck.

And I'm sooooo burnt! I still can't move my arms properly!

My Sex God was back. But he left again. I should really just ignore him. Nothing good will ever come of this.

My mom still hasn't called me. And she probably won't tonight.

I'm going to a movie, so if she does, I won't be home.

My camera is back. Now I just need to give them $200 for fixing it. Which wouldn't have to be done if it wasn't such a shitty camera.

I need a new camera.

I listened to SexyBack like 15 times this weekend. Twice at the gay bar.

Guys kissing guys is pretty much the hottest shit ever.

I want a drag queen as a friend. Haha.

I love the beach.

I'm starting to listen to Dashboard Confessional again. I must be lonely.

I need a new job. I'm slowly dying.

-38-

Bitch Tits!

2006-08-07T22:13:00.000-04:00

I'm home from a long trip with the family. We totally wanted to kill each other by Saturday night. But it's cool. We made it back safely. And no one killed anyone.

Fun times with the cousins, of course. No mohawk for Nick this time. Haha... man, his mom was really pissed when I did that last time. She cried! She was super pissed at me. Oh well.

Highlights:

Dad: "Well, I'm trying to figure out what old bitch tits is doing!"

Nick: "Free movie! Ding Ding Ding!!"

Family Reunion: "She's the glue that holds us together"
Me: "She had sex with everyone?!"
Nick: "Whore!!!"

"Trevor is a fag."

"The Houdini"

That's all I can remember right now. I'm waiting for my sister to send me all the crazy pictures. Then there will be a looong photo blog.

I've never laughed so hard in my life. It hurt so good. Litterally laughed Friday night till Saturday night. Only breaking for 3 hours of sleep. Because I heard the cat barf at 6am, pretended to sleep while it woke Marinda and Kristeen up... then made some stupid joke and laughed my ass off again.

--Wraci Tard

-36-

Kittie Photo Shoot.

2006-07-26T01:16:00.000-04:00

No ANSEL! Not the INTERWEB!

The only model I had tonight.

-36-

Check out my sweet dance moves.

2006-07-25T23:50:00.000-04:00

I just found this in a folder. Totally forgot about it. SO FUNNY!

This is what Alex and I did during the stint on the newspaper.

So if any of you were looking for us... We were taking pretty stupid pictures of ourselves

....in the studio.

*NOW YOU KNOW*

-35-

And in this moment, I am happy. [Maybe]

2006-07-17T23:24:00.000-04:00

This is the sexiest picture I've ever seen. I love it. And it makes me feel better about myself. I know that probably sounds really weird, but there's just something about it. A hot belt buckle, and a sexy belly ring. Not to mention the belly.

I used to hate my "dunlap*", as my dad calls it. [*My stomach dun-laps over my pants. It's from Fresh Prince. Will says it too Uncle Phil.] But now, I'm kinda liking it. It's soft, and round... and sexy in it's own way. I'm kinda pissed it took me so long to actually like myself. I love my dunlap.

And this picture also inspired me to get a belly ring too. It looks so fucking hot on her. I think it'd look pretty weirdly sexy on me too. But I haven't decided yet. I really REALLY want a tattoo, and they're a little more important to me than a silly pericing that I'll take out in like 5 months. We shall see. My birthday is coming up, and I want a birthday present for me. So it's either one or the other! I'm going to get an estimate on that tattoo this week, hopefully. And if it's like $60, I'm all over that. What to do, what to do!

I'm going to see Alex for my birthday. We're going to a gay bar. Hot! I'll pick up some hot gay guys. As usual. Hmm, what else... OH fucking CANON needs to get blown up. I want my mother fucking camera back... NOW! Annnd family trip to NB in 2 weeks. And I'm cameraless. Fucking sucks.

I guess that's it for now. I'm pretty bored. And get to work tomorrow. Awesome. Oh, and Old Navy and Bluenotes.... ARE EVILly cheap and awesome. And I need to stay far far away.

-34-

Overheard in NYC: Part 3

2006-07-14T17:59:00.000-04:00

The Real Problem With Assless Chaps

Guy #1: "I need to get some Chapstick. I have some chapped ass lips, man.'
Guy #2: "Gross, you have chapped asslips?"

--Times Square

Overheard by: patrick Smith

SOS, please someone help me?

2006-07-13T23:18:00.000-04:00

So, the weirdest thing in the world.

Rihanna, the very hot and famous RnB/Hip Hop singer is doing a show. Where's you're asking?

IN BELLEVILLE!! Um, am I the only one that thinks that's a tad weird? Ok, not a tad, but REALLY WEIRD?! She's playing at Matt & Joe's, of all places. I had to ask Tricia, who's going, if it was actaully the REAL Rihanna, and not like some porn star with the same name.

So she's playing Saturday night, at MJ's for $50 a pop. Um not bloodly likely. They must be paying her a TON of money.

I kinda wish I could go. Because it would be the closest thing to being close to Kanye West as I could get. Heh.

I still can't believe it. Haha, it made me laugh all night. Ottawa can't even get people to play there, and Belleville can manage to get Rihanna.

-32-

Steady as she goes.

2006-07-10T14:13:00.000-04:00

So, there's this amazing guy that comes into work sometimes. I've seen him twice now. He was in yesturday, and I wanted to hide because I'm not worthy of his precense.

Why is the blog-worthy? Because he is soooo good looking, that if he asked to marry me right there, I would be all over that shit in a heartbeat. Kinda a mix of Dallas Green, and... Jessie James.

MAN! I don't even think I'd be able to talk to him...

-31-

Water Front, bitch!

2006-07-09T19:41:00.000-04:00

I don't feel like writting much. Mostly because nothing happened. I went with Star, Tricia, and Darcy. They went on rides, and I was like thier proud momma, taking pictures of my babies. Man, I'm old!

Over Heard at Water Front

Fat chick wearing plaid: "Fuck you Water Front bitch! Fucking cunt! I paid $10 to stalk a hot carnie!"

--overheard by everyone within a 50 foot radius.

Hot carnie alert. Yes, we stalked him.

Too bad this is the best picture I've ever taken.

Matt Mayes and El Torpedo

Motion Picture Ending

[The girls thought he was hot, I liked him better with the glasses. Heh ;)]

NO I'M NOT A CARNIE! I JUST LIKE PLAID!

-30-

Does that make me CraZy?

2006-07-07T01:57:00.000-04:00

The harded I try, the worse everything seems to get. My life seems to be getting a little out of control. If I hurt anyone without knowing, I'm sorry.

I complain too much at work about my mother, and really, I just want her to be a good mom and talk to me. I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about what a fucking bitch she is.

I really miss my dad, and I'm a little jealous that my sister is living with him again. I talked to them tonight on the phone, and couldn't help but feel left out of the crazy Ward fun times.

I like doing things alone, and it's nice to do. But I'm really fucking sick of doing EVERYTHING ALONE! It would be nice to have someone to go to the movies with, and make fun of a shitty movie with them. I miss going for walks with someone what I can joke around with. I'm sick of everything in my life being fucking drama. I'm not a drama person. I'm funny, and like to have fun. I don't want to have to complain about my family and shitty friends that always bail on me.

I litterally SIT in front of the computer EVERY DAY! I go to work, come home, and computer time! Because I have nothing to do, and no where to go. I just want to hang out with someone, and not have to complain about shit. I just want to have fun. I'm trying to make fun for me, I'm trying to go out and do things... It just never seems to work. I litterally can't remember the last time I had real fun. No worrying about anything, just hanging around fun times. Talking with friends about nothing. Making jokes about stupid things. I just want to lay in the grass, look at the sky... and just laugh. And just cry from laughing. I'm sick of crying because I'm sad and I hate myself.

Something needs to happen, and soon. Hopefully my family trip to New Brunswick will help me out. I always have a good time when I'm with my cousin's. Simpson quotes, cake, and mohawks. That's what it's like when the Ward's get together.

I've been crying for 3 days. My legs hurt. I don't have enough hours at my shitty job, and I don't really care, because I fucking hate it SOO much!

-29-

I should have thought of that before we kissed.

2006-07-05T01:38:00.000-04:00

I met this guy... in the winter I guess. We talked for awhile, and he was into me, but I wasn't really into him. I dunno, I had my guard up as usual. He was sweet, but I knew it wasn't going to happen for more than one reason. He wouldn't give up though, he kept asking to see me, talking about dating me, all that junk. I met Jude, and we started dating. I told him, he was bummed, and said it sounded like we were serious... which I didn't know if we were. But whatever, that doesn't even matter now clearly.

We broke up, and he still wanted to see me. My heart had been broken, I told him over and over. I figured he would just drop it and give up. He didn't. He still wanted to see me. We talked and talked every night till 4 in the morning. I finally gave in, we met, came here and watched DVD's. I liked him, and I knew that he liked me too. I lost contact with him, because of lack of internet, and he was out of the country for about the same amount of time.

We start talking again. I was happy that he was actaully talking to me! Then of course, as happy stories always go... he met some chick. And "things got serious pretty fast". So that's it... like I wasn't even there. Did he even think twice about me when he decided to date this chick? Probably not, and why should he really. I rejected him so many times. We still talked though, and things were good. It sounded like he still liked me, but of couse he couldn't dump his girlfriend for me. Cause "he's not the kind of guy". But last night he didn't mind when I sucked his dick.

So after he decided to grow morals, he "dumped" me, and I loose again. I really liked him, but I'm just the "dick sucker" I guess? When will men start thinking with their BRAIN and not their fucking COCK? If he actaully did, it wouldn't have happened. He knows why I did it. I don't know why he did... But it's over now. And he's not going to talk to me until he get's some "willpower". Fuck ya right. I'll probably never hear from him again, aaand there's another page in the "Traci is a big fat WHORE" book.

So kiss me hard, cause this will be the last time that I let you.

-28-

Oh Toronto, you killed me.

2006-07-03T14:42:00.000-04:00

This place right here, is NOT a good place for a rock show. No way am I ever going back there for a show. It's too big, too expensive, and you can't take camera's in. Which is TOTAL bullshit. Because once you go inside... they were fucking SELLING cameras. So fuck you Molson Ampitheatre. I won't be back. Unless the Spice Girls go back. Haha.

So I didn't get to enjoy my show as much as I was hoping for. Dashboard Confessional didn't play any songs I knew, well they played 2, but that wasn't enough to keep me happy. Espically because I was bummed about the venue, and I was tired, and cranky.

Dallas only played 6 songs, for a lame 30 minute set. And didn't even play a sick AOF cover. Boo. He did do a mini cover of K-Os during his first song "Sometimes". And that was pretty hot. He has an amazing voice. And he's super hot... even if he's the size of my pinkie finger....

[Now for a small Overheard in Toronto]

Emoy Teen boy: "I can sing better than Dallas."

-509 Street Car to Ontario Place

--overheard by Traci, and ever other person on that bus that went to that show just for Dallas.

Erica got a sweet C&C shirt. I'm jealous... but I'm also hella poor. Maybe I'll get one next show. Or just make one myself, cause I'm cheap.

I guess that's all I have to say about the trip right now. I didn't sleep over in TO, I went back to Kingston with Brant and Erica. Which was good, because I was so fucking dead when I got there I wouldn't have been able to survive staying awake all night.

-27-

Why everthing suppose to be bad, make me feel so good?

2006-06-30T01:44:00.000-04:00

This is my last blog before I make the journey to Toronto. So as such, I will be making this my will. And my last words that you should live by. Haha... so in a way, this is like a suicide note. Weird.

First, I'll let you know what's going on. Tomorrow, I will be travelling to TO for the big City and Colour concert with Erica and Brant. Joe is our transportation there. We're going to Nikki's house for lunch I believe. Then Joe's gonna take us to the venue.

So we rock out, then go to the bus station. Lucky for my friends, there's a late night bus to Kingston. However, maybe because I'm a Ward, or I curse God too much, there is no bus to Belleville, TILL 6:30 PM! I've tried every possible route, and nada.

So here's what I'm doing. Staying at the bus station over night, trying not to sleep too much. I don't want to get ass-raped while I sleep. Then, if I'm not totally dead, explore downtown TO on Canada Day. Then wait it out to 6.30 and get the fuck home. It sounds like it wouldn't be so bad... except I'm going to be awake for over 24 hours, probably starving, and bored out of my mind!!!! 24 hours is a fucking long time to be waiting for a fucking bus!

So that's the plan. And here's a list of who get's what of all my crappy shit. In case I get gang-raped, and murdered. Or if I kill myself from being insane!

-computer: To my Poppa, cause he's never had a good computer, and he needs it!
-stereo: To my sister. She hasn't had a good stereo ever... and mine is pretty awesome.
-camera: To my Poppa. He likes taking pictures, and he took a nice picture of a sunset, and was really excited about it. So he gets my camera so he can take more.
-bed: Again, to my Poppa. It was his when he was a kid, and he loves it still and tried to steal it back. So he can have it back.
-magazine collection: To my sister. She steals them anyway, so I guess she should take them!
-books: I'll give those to mom. I think most of them are her's anyway.
-barbie collection: auctioned off on e-bay because I know no one wants them. The money, if it's actually a notable amount, will go to my Poppa, to buy a new house.
-tv/VCR&DVD player:My sister, and her boyfriend can share these.

I guess you can fight over the rest. There isn't much. That's it.

Wish me luck!

[PS: I wish to be cremated, no mention of God at my funeral, no church songs, lots of flowers, and Dallas Green playing -either the actual guy, or just the CD will do- Oh and the most important, it better not be in a fucking church, or I will be PISSED! Jesus... just do it in a park or something. And I would like my ashes to scattered over my mom's house so I can haunt her. Haha, no not really. Over the ocean will do. NO WAIT!!! OMG! I would like my ashes to be scattered over Oak Island in Nova Scotia. FUcking AWESOME!]

-26-

Shut the door so I can leave.

2006-06-27T23:23:00.000-04:00

I don't know why it bothered me so much.

I guess it still hurts me. Maybe I keep thinking there's a chance, when I totally know... for some reason that isn't being told to me, there isn't.

I don't even know what I could have done.

Ugh...

-25-

With a bullet and a prayer.

2006-06-23T15:45:00.000-04:00

That's what they will be saying at my wedding. Because I will shoot myself in the head.

Are people born just for the sole purpose of getting married? Is that the only reason people live? To make babies, and walk down an aisle in a white dress?

I told Tricia I don't drink. Then she asked, what about at my wedding? No drinking? No champage? What if my husband wants to drink?

Is this all people think about? People's lives revolve around a wedding? Oh, you shouldn't get that tattoo, what if it shows on you wedding day! Are you kidding me? I shouldn't get this tattoo because I'm going to get married? Does this sound retarded to anyone else? Or am I just losing my mind.

Please, don't make me vomit on you. I feel the urge to curse "breeders". Pull a Brian, and roll my eyes at every couple with babies and wedding rings.

I guess people do it because it's an easy way to be finacially secure. I know that's why I'd do it. And I'm currently looking for a sugar daddy. *Note: I'm not lazy, and I don't want to sit around and watch TV like a fat ass. I just want to take pictures, and not have to worry about how much money I'm pulling in.

-24-

God just pissed on me. It turns him on.

2006-06-22T18:00:00.001-04:00

I'M BACK!

Two weeks without internet really freaking sucks. Two weeks without contact with my friends, blows. Man, imagine how Brant must feel! Two weeks of me taking the TV. Haha.

What have I done in the last two weeks? Nothing of course. I fucking worked my ass off for 2 weeks. Picked up like 4 extra shifts, and STILL HAVE NO MONEY! Are you KIDDING ME? Fucking hell... I totally need to pick up another job. There's one at the new bakery. That's hot. I'll try that one.

I need to figure out what I'm going to do in this next year. I have to email my teachers, register for school, so I can actually graduate, and then hopefully get the mother fuck out of here. BELLEVILLE IS A HORRIBLE TOWN! Full of hicks, people with no teeth, and crossed eyes.

Umm, Dallas Green in 7 mother-fucking-days!!! Totally rad. Spending the day in TO should be hella tight. That's pretty much my only vacation. Sweet. And going to NB in August. Even though I have to fucking money to do that. Goddamn it... I hate you money. Fucking me over again!

Oh and I didn't hear from S.C.E.N.E. Fucking shitty. I'm kinda pissed... I guess they want shitty kids to take thier pictures. Fuck you shitty kids. I probably wouldn't have taken it, unless it was a paying job, because I can't afford to go all the way to St. Catherine's. But still, would have been nice to be offered the job.

Hmm what else. OH RIGHT! I hooked up with D***, it was fun. Except now I don't think he's talking to me... awesome. I totally LOVE being used for sex. I really should just get paid for that, seeing as how that happens more times than it should be. We didn't have sex, but uh, I totally should have got paid for that shit. Ha...

I want my camera back soooo BAD! I'm missing everything. No pictures of my sister's grad, no Dallas/TO pics. I have 2 sweet photoshoots in mind with Mandi, and deli chicks. But they all have to wait. I'm even going to miss pictures at WaterFront. This is fucking bullshit, that's what this is. I want a new camera SO BAD! I need a credit card, hardcore!

Where will Traci be in a year? Who knows, I sure don't.

-23-

Take a mintue to find out what's going on inside me.

2006-05-31T22:15:00.000-04:00

Am I really the worst photographer ever? I mean really... I'm so fucking sick of shitty photographers getting praise because they take safe boring picture of flowers, THEN photoshop the shit out of them. These are NOT photographs. This is what is considered DIGITAL ART. I'm sorry, but you just can't fight me on that. If you had half a brain, you would know that.

I work hard at being a photographer, and trying new things. New, and what I think is pretty interesting. I know it's not great... because I'm still learning and trying to find my style. I post pictures on different forums, because a part of me is really proud of the work I do, and I hope someone will see that too. However, EVERY MOTHER FUCKING POST some shit head has to say something nasty to me. Giving me attitude, thinking I have no idea what I'm doing. Am I REALLY that bad?! I take pictures how I want them to turn out, I rarely do the PS thing, and that's my choice. I have certain editing ethics I follow, and they're not going to change because someone told me do something.

It's SO discouraging. I know people tell me all the time it shouldn't matter what idiots on Myspace, and other forums say. But really, if I can't even empress idiots, then who's actaully going to look at my stuff? I would really like someone to give me actual feedback. Someone that knows my style, and can honestly tell me what I should do to get more people to enjoy my work. I'm sick of boring fucking pictures! And I'm am so sick of idiots, who's pictures I wouldn't even use to wipe my ass with always have some shit to say. Fuck you.

It hurts me so much. Scott told me I need a healthy relationship with my pictures. But fuck... I can't seem to impress anyone. And it drives me crazy. I'm so sick of people's opinions. I'm sick of everyone's attitude. I'm sick of pussy photographers telling me what to do.

Fuck, I really am the shittiest photographer ever. And I hate it. I hate feeling like this.

I don't care what anyone says. I fucking love this picture. Maybe it's too crazy for you simple-minded idiots. Too bad. I do love my work, and I'm only really happy with a camera in my hand. Bite my huge ass.

-22-

Overheard in NYC: Part 2

2006-05-29T18:47:00.000-04:00

May 29, 2006

Her Mane Is Obviously Fake

Dad: "What are you going to name your new horse, honey?"
Little girl with My Little Pony: "Skankbag!"

--Bleecker & MacDougal

[I don't want my blog to turn into random greatness from Overheard. But this one was just sooo good that I had to post about it. So, I guess, if I see one that is SO great, I'll post it. In the mean time, you should check it out for yourselves.]

-21-

Overheard in NYC

2006-05-29T00:30:00.000-04:00

August 14, 2005

After the Hand Roll, She's Going to Cut Him into 6 Pieces

White woman: "Are you available?"
Teen Japanese boy: "I'm sorry?"
White woman: "Are you...available?"
Teen Japanese boy: "Available for what?"
White woman: "You know...available?"
Teen Japanese boy: "Sorry, this is my stop."

--F train

[All the good stuff happens on my birthday! This is a pretty funny Overheard. You should probably go to this site. Every day.]

-20-

The roof, the roof. the roof is on fire!

2006-05-27T22:57:00.000-04:00

Soooo, the apartment building's fire alarm just went off. And scared the living hell out of me. Not because it's loud, but because I'm crazy afraid of my house catching on fire! I didn't know what to do, do I grab the cats? Grab the most important thing to me? [whatever that is] Put a bra on?!

Turns out nothing was on fire, and something the people that live across from us was cooking or whatever, set the alarm off. And I think it happened last night while I was at the movies, because when I came back there were 2 fire trucks here as well. But no one said anything to me, so it obviously wasn't important. And of course the first thing I thought of was, "The CATS!", and... did I leave the stove on?!

I fucking hate fires. They scare me sooo much! I also felt like I was in a dorm... a bunch of guys were hanging out with beers. And I think one of the Mormon dudes brought his bible. Word.

-19-

All I want to do, is kill you.

2006-05-27T00:20:00.000-04:00

There's so much I feel I need to write about, but when I got to get it done, I go blank and think that everything I want to write about has no meaning or that no one is going to fucking care.

Well, dispite that, this here thing is a blog. Ment for blogging. And blog I shall.

It has recently came to my attention that there are at least 5 guys that I can think of off the top of my head that want to fuck me. Yes, all guys from the internet that I don't even remember how I ment them. And most of them I've been talking to for over a year. And I've been rejecting most of them for as long as we've been talking. I know they just want to use me as some kinda whore, cause they have some secret fetish for fat chicks. It pisses me off, because I'm not a fetish. I'm starting to think I don't actaully like sex. I thought I did, when I was a whore my first year in college. I thought I liked it, but I hated myself afterwards. Doesn't anyone just want to like... DATE me? Just one fuck and it's done? Jesus, I think I'm rather smart, good taste in music, fashionable dressed, clean and not a retarded girly girl with no thoughts!

[However there is on guy that I would totally give the time of day too. He has tattoos, mmhmm. Of course he lives in TO, but I plan in visiting him soon.]

Belleville, once again is draining the life out of me. There is REALLY absofuckinglutly NOTHING to do in this town. Having money and a job doesn't give me any more options than having no money. I go to the same places, only now I spend money. Which I'd rather not do, because I panic if there's nothing in the bank. This is going to be a long and painful summer once again.

I've noticed, that while I wait for the bus, with my music blasting, people ALWAYS come to me for information. Like "what time is it?", "when is the next bus?", "how much is the bus?". I don't get why, when there are 2048602486 people waiting for the bus, they always ask me! I guess I look friendly as I scowl at the ground with loud screaming music.

I don't really know what's going to happen in the next year. But I hope something good. Something I'm ment to do. I know it's SOOO lame, but I do believe in fate. There's reason I'm in Belleville, there's a reason for me meeting the people I do. There has to be. Hopefully it will come together a little more this year. There's a reason things don't work out, if not, then what the fuck am I doing!

It's late, I'm tired. And I get to work all day tomorrow. Awesome. I need a new job!!

-18-

She's got the moves, oh oh oh.

2006-05-19T23:35:00.000-04:00

My sister's prom was today. I was the photographer for this event. And had some crazy fun, because I love taking pictures! Now on to the pictures. So, we totally got the Police Officer to "arrest" Jason for some pictures. Pretty funny, and probably the best idea for prom pictures ever. The old man with my sister is my poppa. Haha, old. He's only 44 for crying out loud!

Notice: My sister is sooo beautiful! She sure doesn't have much Ward in her.

-16-

I'll ask myself.

2006-05-19T01:13:00.000-04:00

Well, off to Kingston tomorrow to see Kristeen off to prom. Take some pictures. Brant is lending me his camera... wee! Man, I need to get my camera back! I want to take pictures sooo badly!!!!

Still waiting to hear from SCENE. Waitiiiiing. Alexisonfire AND City and Colour are playing!! Man, I have to get that freaking job! Ooooh waiting!

The DC and C&C show is coming up. I've been listening to DC a lot. Ya they're pretty emooo, but I like 'em.

I was reading my diary today from 12 years ago. I haven't changed much. I've litterally been calling myself fat for my whole life. Dah well... I'll never change.

-15-

Don't you want to grow up to be just like me?

2006-05-17T14:20:00.000-04:00

I REALLY want to open a resturant. I've been thinking about it for ... years. Litterally... YEARS! I think I'm going to take some buisness classes, maybe some resturant management classes. That is, after I get my damn diploma for photojournalism.

I've been trying to think of a theme for my resturant forever too. I kinda want a vegan resturant, or something super fancy, with a cocktail bar. But then I think I want a sweet coffee house with a stage, so bands could play. Some how I have to involve music. Because it's what I love.

Maybe I could open them all!!! Weee!

I also applyed to be a photographer for S.C.E.N.E. When I found out they were looking for photographers, I got pretty freaking excited. I hope I get it... I had a bad day that day, and when I read that bulliten, I was soo excited!! Man, that would be soooo amazing! I don't care if it's not going to be a paying job. I just want to be able to put that on my photographing resume!

Well, when I find out, I'll be sure to blog about that. I think I'm over getting dumped.... well for now. I'm just trying to pretend it never happened. Like I do with most things... it's probably not healthy... but meh, that's how I deal with shit.

-14-

Busted

2006-05-09T00:11:00.000-04:00

Ya, probably.

-10-

Addiction is in, I guess addiction is in yeah.

2006-05-08T18:35:00.000-04:00

Like many, I have addictions. But unlike many, I think I have almost every common one someone can think of. Maybe it's just my personality, or something like that. So what could I possibly be addicted to? Drugs, alcohol, sex? Nope! I'll make a mini-list of the following things I'm addicted too:

-Food [As it shows, I like to eat. And when I binge, it's a fat person's binge]

-Computer [ 2 hours will go by, and I won't even notice. A CD will play 4 times before I realise, while I do nothing on the computer]

-Clothes [ I wear a uniform to work. I don't need to buy endless amounts of clothes. When I don't work, I rarely go out, so I'm in my PJ's all day. I wear the same 4 shirts, and 1 pair of jeans when I do go out. I shop too much.]

-Stealing [ From work I may add. It's just so easy. I can't stop, and I don't really care to.]

The last one, and the whole reason I made this blog... is porn. Yeah, I said it. It's probably the newest addiction to start. But it's been there my whole life. When I was 11 I seen my first porn. It was my dad's. I knew what it was, and I wanted to see what they were like. So I watched a few mintues of it. It wasn't a hardcore sex scene... I think some guys were at a strip club. Then probably about a year later I found porn mags that belonged to my dad. And I started looking through them almost every day. I liked them, and I liked looking at women. I also remember thinking, while I was still pretty young, that I wouldn't mind taking pictures of naked chicks. [ Well I'm sure most people wouldn't mind that, but I was just a kid. Who thinks things like that? ] Every time I would find new porn, I would watch it.

The urge to look at the stuff went away for a bunch of years. Mainly when I was in high school, because I didn't want anyone to know. But it has come back... espically bad when I got the computer. I would download like... 6 different crappy porn clips from Limewire, almost every day. I don't even really like them that much... I mean, the movies are pretty stupid, and mostly consist of blow jobs [which I'm def. not into] ass sex, and cumming on the chick's face. [All of which do not turn me on, and I think are pretty revolting] I remember watching one, and thinking, "I want to see some real sex," I was 13 when I thought that.

Maybe I'm a closet sex freak. I dunno. Haha... weird. I think there's more porn on my computer [ pictures] than pictures of Dallas Green. More naked chicks, than pictures I take myself. My dubbed "Suicide Girl" file is overflowing with naked chicks, fetish wearing, tattoo covered hot chicks. And I don't call myself a lesbian. [ Some may dispute] I just love porn, and naked chicks! My favorite websites are ones that feature naked chicks. And that is how I spend all my computer time. Haha.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in the porn industry. Won't mother be ever so happy. Well maybe I shouldn't say porn, maybe the erotic adult industry. Porn sounds so... easy.

Speaking of hot pictures of hot chicks, I was in Chapters today, and found a Dita Von Tesse book filled with awesome pictures. She's soo pretty, and can pull off any look. Love her. Maybe I should start telling people that my tattoo really is of Dita, instead of trying to call her something else.

HOT!

-09-

Turn that shit up!

2006-05-08T16:12:00.000-04:00

Like really, all I want is to see Dallas Green in concert. Is that so much to ask for?! I swear to fuck, if I go to Ticketmaster on Wednesday, and they're ethier sold out, or I can't buy them through ticket master... I'm going to shit on the fucking Ticketmaster computer!

Why the hell is he so popular? I mean I know why, cause he's hella amazing. But damn kids, I'd like to enjoy the sexy voice of Mr. Green once before I fucking die.

He's playing SCENE in St. Catherine's. WE HAVE TO GO!!!!!! Goddamn I need a credit card.

-08-

So won't you raise your glass?

2006-05-07T18:29:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTEEN!

Wow. My little sister is 18 today. Time is flying so fast it seems.

-07-